The Comparison Trap
I've written about two Olympic athletes over the past few weeks—Alysa Liu and Eileen Gu. My algorithm noticed. And it kept serving me content about them.
What surprised me wasn't the volume. It was the nature.
Video after video breaking down why one is loved and the other is not. Alysa is warm and endearing. Eileen is calculated and cold. Side-by-side comparisons. Rankings. "Be an Alysa Liu" became a phrase. Politicians weighed in. Strangers on the internet decided one was a hero, the other a villain.
And so many of these comparisons were created by women.
Is it any wonder our workplaces are filled with scarcity thinking instead of abundance? Are we sometimes the ones inspiring it—pitting people against each other instead of celebrating what makes each one powerful?
Here's what I see when I look at these two women.
Both are Chinese American. Both were raised in the Bay Area. Alysa in Oakland, Eileen in San Francisco. Both started their sports before they were five years old. Both compete at the highest level, pushing themselves mentally, physically, emotionally to be their most exceptional selves. Both balance elite athletics with top-tier academics. Alysa at UCLA, Eileen at Stanford. Both are record-breakers. And both have created agency over their own lives.
That's the part that strikes me most.
Alysa retired at 16. She was burned out, skating for everyone but herself. She walked away, hiked to Everest Base Camp, enrolled at UCLA, and came back on her terms with a list of non-negotiables. She chooses her music. She chooses her costumes. She chooses how she trains. And then she won Olympic gold.
Eileen, at 22, can articulate her identity, her values, and her purpose with a clarity most people never reach. She's been navigating two countries, two languages, and two sets of expectations since childhood. She knows exactly who she is. And she's made her choices accordingly.
Agency. That's what they share. The ability to know themselves deeply and act from that knowing even when the world is loud.
And here's what struck me most: when the internet tried to pit them against each other, Alysa refused. "I think this discourse is really silly because we're both half Chinese," she said. "She's great... she's super sweet... her love of the game, it's there." She called the critics "hypocritical."
That's agency too. Refusing to tear down another woman just because the crowd wants you to.
I see far more in common than not.
We talk about wanting diversity. But do we celebrate difference or quietly rank it? Do we have each other’s back or tear each other down?